The Old Switcheroo
by Chrome Cougar
Summary: Candace and Stacy assume new roles; Vanessa's new smartphone holds unexpected features.


**The Old Switcheroo**

**Written by:**

**Sylvester Tennant & ****Dylan Carbonell**

**Based on Original Artwork by:**

**Dylan Carbonell**

**Song Lyrics by: Andrew Mantynen**

(_The Flynn-Fletcher Home_, in the backyard, Phineas and Ferb sit and look over a set of blueprints.)

Phineas: You have a great idea for today, Ferb. Though I am surprised you didn't want to go with the Warden Golem. However, I guess what we're making serves the same purpose.

(Ferb nods.)

(_Candace's Room_. Candace is there, along with Stacy and Jenny. They listen as Candace rambles on about another failed attempt to bust her brothers for their wild projects.)

Candace: So there it was, an enormous live version of Mad Avians right there, and just as I bring mom to see it, it's gone. It's just not fair. Since the first day of this summer, it's been same.

(She grabs a stapler and unfolds it.)

Candace: Sometimes I should just throw a stapler at their faces! (She flings the stapler at a picture of her brothers.)

(The stapler hits the picture, but only recoils and springs back. Candace freezes and the stapler sticks her in the forehead. It drops, leaving a staple firmly in place.)

Candace: OW! OW, OW, OW, OW!

(Stacy sighs and grabs a pair of tweezers. She squeezes and removes the staple. Feeling about, Candace finds that she thankfully isn't bleeding.)

Stacy: After all the aggravation you've put yourself though, one would think you would've accomplished this by now.

Candace: Well, it's just that nothing I do has ever worked. That reality show, recruiting you two, even resorting to groveling to a nerd for help, have I left anything out?

Stacy: What about that time Jeremy's sister tried to help and that supercomputer?

Candace: (sarcastically) Oh yes, thanks for bring that up. Not matter what; the results have been the same.

Jenny: Do you have any good reason for getting them in trouble?

Candace: How about the time _I _got grounded because of the ATV _they _built? And remember that video, "The Swamp Monster of Danville"? I'm surprised Daniel Tosh hasn't called for me to do one of his Web redemptions.

Stacy: Why have you even had this obsession with busting your brothers? You've had far more important things to focus on.

Candace: Oh, if only you knew what it was like to be me.

(Jenny happens to glance out the window and then points.)

Jenny: Check it out; your brothers are unloading something.

(Candace rushes to the window.)

Candace: Random boxes and various tools, what are they up to?

(She whips out a detector device labeled "Bust-Meter 1000. Readings show, "Don't Worry", "Questionable", "Slight Concern", "Severely Wrong", and Completely Bustable". The arrow instantly shoots to "Completely Bustable".)

Candace: Jenny, go get some sodas. It's stalking time.

(Jenny sighs and stands. She takes two steps and then suddenly stops.)

Jenny: Hey, where's Perry?

(_Perry's Lair_-Perry is already seated as Major Monogram appears onscreen.)

Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Our intelligence has shown that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been seemingly lying low for the past two days. That can only mean he's plotting something dastardly with an extra helping of malice. A preemptive strike is in order.

(Just then, a number of new animals are seen. They are a bandicoot, a koala, and an aardvark.)

Monogram: Oh, and a number of recruits will be observing, so go and show how a veteran agent does his job. Good luck.

(Perry exits.)

(_The Backyard_-Phineas and Ferb have finished unloading and sorting the parts. Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet then enter.)

Isabella: Hi, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: We're making a full scale replica of the dreaded E57-S Enforcer Droid Supreme from Space Adventure 3.

Buford: You didn't go with the Warden Golem from Stumbleberry Finkbats and the Warlock's Bride?

Phineas: That's what I said, but Ferb was adamant.

Baljeet: I can see why, given the E-57S' superiority.

Buford: Excuse me?

Baljeet: Oh come now, clearly the E57-S' lunar carbon armor and laser ray pistols outclass anything the Warden Golem can do.

Buford: The Warden Golem, for your information, is sculpted from Mystic Clay, has the strength of a saber-toothed gorilla, and has magic canceling capabilities.

Baljeet: Aha, but the E-57S has an army…

(Phineas, Ferb and Isabella watch on in amazement.)

Phineas: Wow, I'd never thought we'd hear that argument from those two.

(_Doofenshmirtz's Building_)

Chorus: (singing) Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

(Perry crawls through the vents before coming to an opening above where Doofenshmirtz is seated. Back at O.W.C.A. HQ, Monogram and the cadets watch thanks to the security cameras.)

Monogram: Now watch carefully cadets, this is how a professional agent does his job.

(Perry drops in and ambushes Doofenshmirtz. The two struggle before Perry is thrown off.)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, what's with the barging in, all SEAL Team Six style? I'm not even doing anything today; this is my personal day off.

(Perry now looks surprised before glancing sheepishly to the floor, thanks to the awkward moment.)

(_O.W.C.A. HQ_- Monogram and Carl appear unsure as what to do now. The cadets look up and wait.)

Monogram: Carl, quick and switch over to Agent H.

(The screen goes static before switching over Herman the Hedgehog facing down Rodney.)

Rodney: Hello, Herman the Hedgehog.

(Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc…)

Doofenshmirtz: I do have this, my Swap-inator. But, you know, I really haven't yet decided what to use it on.

(Doofenshmirtz shows a contraption which looks like the chassis with tank treads topped with a 1980s style satellite dish.)

Doofenshmirtz: What it does is swap the personality of the target with the being in its closest proximity. Example, wolverine and sloth, wolverine would become slow, lethargic and the sloth would become ravenous and terrifying. Vegetarians and meat lovers, vice versa. But that can wait.

(Doofenshmirtz sits in his chair and grabs a couple of books. Perry takes a seat in a nearby chair.)

Doofenshmirtz: What really I'd want is to catch up on my summer reading. I did start on Atlas Shrugged, but partway through I thought, "Why should I care about these characters and what happens to them?"

(Perry breaks the fourth wall by looking towards the audience, his face expressing the sort of irony in Doofenshmirtz's statement.)

Doofenshmirtz: And some of these have misleading titles. I mean, I thought The Grapes of Wrath was about mutant killer grapes, but no. And there was nothing about mice in Of Mice and Men.

(The door suddenly opens and Vanessa enters.)

Vanessa: Hi, Dad. Hey, Perry. (She stops dead in her tracks.) Wait a second. Perry's not in any trap? Dad doesn't have any plans for evil? What's going on here?

Doofenshmirtz: We're discussing classic literature.

Vanessa: Oooookay. I think I left my new smartphone here yesterday. I gonna check around.

Doofenshmirtz: All righty, if you need help, you know where to find me. (to Perry) You know, it funny those things are called "smartphones" because from what I've seen, some people use them for the dumbest things.

(Vanessa starts searching. After peering behind, around, and under several places, she finds her smartphone and checks it. On the screen is a new icon that reads: S.I.)

Vanessa: S.I.? I don't remember downloading that app. (presses the button)

(The Swap-inator starts up, rolling towards the balconey. However, it goes by unnoticed by her.)

Vanessa: Okay, well that didn't do anything. Oh wait, now it's doing something. (she starts punching numbers)

(The Swap-inator pivots, locking on to various targeting coordinates. It is then Doofenshmirtz takes notice and gets up. Perry follows.)

Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa, what are you doing?

Vanessa: I found my phone, but something's up with it. Look.

Doofenshmirtz: That's your phone? (Looks over to the Swap-inator.) Oh, I thought it was a random spare remote. I guess that would explain the list of contacts and games. You know, I really like that Mad Avains.

Vanessa: What?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, you've never heard of it? It's a game where you shoot birds out of a cannon and…

Vanessa: No, not that! Are you saying you somehow programmed this "inator" in my phone?

Doofenshmirtz: Well, in a certain context and considering… (he trails off, seeing his daughter's icy stare) Yes, yes I did.

Vanessa: Dad… (hears a sudden beep and looks at her phone.)

(She sees her thumb has accidentally pressed the button marked "Execute" on her phone's touch screen. This starts the Swap-inator firing. Purple beams of energy shot out.)

Vanessa: Stupid oversensitive touch screens!

(Doofenshmirtz looks down to Perry.)

Doofenshmirtz: In all fairness, Perry the Platypus, this one isn't my fault.

(_Danville Zoo_-A snarling wolverine and a yawning sloth that are housed next to one another, for obvious reasons, are hit by a beam. The wolverine lets out a loud yawn and looks sleepy while the sloth from its tree and rushes about its cage, snarling.)

(_Danville Street_-There stand two crowds, one outside a vegetarian restaurant and the other outside a BBQ steakhouse. The beam hits one group and arcs over to the other. It is then the vegetarians go into the steakhouse and the meat lovers go into the vegetarian restaurant.)

(_Candace's Room_-Candace paces back and forth while Stacy sits, occasionally glazing out the window.)

Candace: How long does it take someone to get three sodas?

Stacy: You know, there is that big sale going on today and I'd much rather… (She is hit by the beam.)

Candace: Stacy?

(The energy arcs from Stacy to Candace. The two shake briefly as the energy diminishes.)

Candace: Whoa, what happened?

Stacy: Who cares? Are what are those two doing now? (She looks out the window.) Okay, whatever it is, its at least got arms and legs, so it might get away. We're going down there. (She starts for the door, stopping to look in the mirror. She looks herself over, turns to Candace, back to the mirror, back to Candace, back to the mirror, and finally back to Candace.)

Candace: What?

Stacy: Come here.

(Stacy grabs Candace and the pair disappears behind a changing screen. The girls then emerge, now having swapped outfits and hairstyles.)

Stacy: There, that's better.

(The door opens and Jenny enters.)

Jenny: Okay, I got the… (sees her friends) What the what? (She stares at the swapped Candace and Stacy, her mouth hanging open)

Stacy: There you are. (grabs a soda) Let's move, there's some busting to do.

Candace: Come one, we'd better go before she goes completely overboard. (grabs a soda)

(Candace exits, leaving Jenny standing there unsure of what's just happened.)

Jenny: Who, what, wait, why, huh?

(_The Backyard_-Phineas is lying down underneath a platform as he assembles a few pieces. He sees a pair of feet, and based on the red socks and white shoes, assumes it's his sister. He slides out.)

Phineas: Oh, hi, Canda…do wha…Stacy?

(Stacy glares down at him.)

Stacy: What're you up to?

(The kids stare in bewilderment at Stacy and Candace.)

Phineas: Um, why are you wearing each other's clothes?

Stacy: I ask the questions around here! What is that thing? (points to the one-third finished project)

Phineas: Well, it's a replica of the E57-S Enforcer Droid Supreme from Space Adventure 3.

Stacy: You guys are so busted!

Candace: Aw, c'mon Stace. Chill out.

(The kids freeze in uncertainly at what's happening.)

Ferb: I'm confused and frightened.

Stacy: Time to call Mom.

(_Tri State Area Hospital_-Dr. Hirano is chatting with a colleague, when her phone rings. Seeing it's her daughter calling, she answers.)

Dr. Hirano: Hello, what is it, Stacy?

Stacy: Mom, Phineas and Ferb have made a robot!

Dr. Hirano: Excuse me?

Stacy: Phin-e-as-and-Ferb-have-made-a-ro-bot!

Dr. Hirano: Wait, why are you concerned with what Candace's brothers are doing? Did she put you up to this?

Stacy: No, no she didn't. In fact, she's just standing around, all calm and rational!

Dr. Hirano: I see. Stacy, I've got a…code…purple, so I have to let you go. (She hangs up.)

Stacy: What? No, wait! Hello? (growls)

(Jenny walks up.)

Jenny: How'd it go?

Stacy: How'd it go? How do you think it went? She didn't believe me!

And look at Candace! (points to Candace, who is now flipping through a catalog.) She's just standing there! If only she knew what it was like to be me!

(Music starts. It is mid-tempo, similar to The Rolling Stones' "Under My Thumb".)

Stacy: How can she be so laid back  
>Can't she see that its time to act<br>She lacks the inappropriate tact  
>If only she was in my shoes now<p>

Candace: Why is she so stressed  
>We ought to hit the mall without fail<br>This cute sundress is on sale  
>If only she was in my shoes now<p>

Stacy: No time for some foolish crud  
>Got to nip this in the bud<br>The time has come to stamp and shout  
>Lace up these jack boots and move out<br>If only she was in my shoes now 

Candace: It's not a crisis  
>And just look at these prices<br>It's no use facing who she opposes  
>She should stop to smell the roses<br>If only she was in my shoes now

Stacy & Candace: In my shoes now  
>This girl needs to know and see<br>What it's like to be me  
>Get ready because<br>When the tables are turned  
>She'll be in my shoes now<p>

Jeremy: Candace!

(The gate opens and Jeremy steps into the yard.)

Jeremy: Hey, Candace, I was wondering… (stops when he sees Candace and Stacy in their swapped outfits.)

(Stacy's face beams.)

Stacy: Jeremy, hi! (walks over to him and gets close, almost too close for Jeremy's comfort.)

Jeremy: Stacy, why are you wearing those clothes?

Stacy: Why, do I look great in them?

Jeremy: Well, don't those belong to Candace?

Stacy: What do you mean?

(Jeremy steps back and slowly goes over to Jenny.)

Jeremy: Um, Jenny, what's going one here?

Jenny: Your guess is as good as mine.

(_The Antique Shop_-Linda sorts though boxes when her phone rings. She looks and sees it's Dr. Hirano calling, and answers.)

Linda: This is a surprise.

Dr. Hirano: Linda, hi. Listen, this is sure to be an odd question, but here goes. Has Candace called you any time today?

Linda: You know, come to think of it, she hasn't. No calls and no texts.

Dr. Hirano: Hmm, something very strange is going on. Stacy called and she sounded like, according to you, the way Candace does. And according to her, your sons are doing some project, and Candace is being unconcerned and rational.

Linda: Whoa, that is freakishly peculiar.

Dr. Hirano: I've just finished with my last patient, so I think we should get over there and see what's happening.

(Meanwhile, back at Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc…)

Vanessa: Dad, I don't believe this!

Doofenshmirtz: I know, I'm sorry for downloading all five versions of Mad Avians. In the end they're all just the same game. But have you tried to just stop? And that theme music, its still stuck in my head!

Vanessa: Not that! I'm talking about hooking up my phone to your inator!

Doofenshmirtz: Well, if it helps, it wasn't just one.

Vanessa: What?

Doofenshmirtz: Sure, you think I'm stupid enough to just program in one? (takes the phone) Here, let me show you what else I put in.

(Back in the backyard, the kids have set the head of the E-57S Enforcer Droid Supreme in place and the project is complete.)

Stacy: Ew, look at that thing. Tall, menacing, utterly bustable. How it mocks me.

(Suddenly her phone rings and she answers.)

Stacy: Hello?

Dr. Hirano: Stacy, I've just picked up Linda and we're heading to her house right now, and we'll be there shortly.

(Stacy grins and lets out a mischievous giggle normally reserved for Candace. It's then Jenny walks up to her again.)

Jenny: Stacy, what's so funny?

(Stacy turns with a wild look on her face and points to the boys.)

Stacy: THEY ARE BUSTED!

(Jenny freezes.)

(_Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc._)

(Doofenshmirtz punches in commands as Vanessa and Perry watch on. A new machine starts to whine as it powers up.)

Doofenshmirtz: That's my Default-inator. It cancels out the effects of the pervious inator used. So how about we just fire this puppy up and undo whatever damage the Swap-inator might have done, hmm? (punches a final button)

(An orange-green energy wave sweeps across the city.)

(Danville Zoo-The wolverine and sloth are swept over by the energy wave. The sloth lets out a loud yawn and climbs back up its tree while the wolverine returns to rushing about its cage, snarling.)

(Back to the Vegetarian restaurant and the Steakhouse-The wave envelops the two eateries. Screams of horror and revulsion came from inside both eateries.)

(_The Backyard_-Candace and Stacy are in the middle of a conversation, already in progress.)

Candace: How can you think that dress would go with that hair?

Stacy: You say potato, I say… Well, actually I say potato too. I mean, does anybody really say pah-tot-o? No! Nobody says that! It's a mute point.

Candace: (folds her arms) You mean a moot point.

Stacy: You say potato; I say pah-tot-o.

(Candace rolls her eyes. Jeremy and Jenny stand a ways away, almost to the point of panic.)

Jeremy: Oh, Jenny, Jenny, who can we turn to? This is just weird.

(It is then the wave sweeps across, hitting Candace and Stacy. The two freeze and they've been returned to normal.)

Stacy: Whoa, what just happened?

Candace: Stacy, why are you wearing my clothes?

Stacy: Why are YOU wearing my bow? Are you trying to steal my signature look?

(_Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc._-Doofenshmirtz stands proudly.)

Doofenshmirtz: There, that took care of that mishap. (folds his arms, only to hear another beep.)

(Another inator fires off a pink beam of energy Perry and Vanessa look at him with questioning gazes.)

Doofenshmirtz: (looks at the phone) Man, this touch screen is, well, touchy. (turns to Vanessa and Perry) That was my Minimize-inator. You remember my Shrink-inator? Well, I finally got around to decommissioning it and now it's just a harmless planter. However, I realized that I may need an inator that served its function so I built that.

Vanessa: You built something that does the same thing as the old model, but just gave it a new name?

Doofenshmirtz: What, it happens with these smartphones all the time.

Vanessa: Speaking of which, how many inators did you program into this?

Doofenshmirtz: Let's see, the Swap-inator, Default-inator, the Minimize-inator, and…

(counts mentally) Two, maybe three more.

(Perry's eyes go wide at the revelation. Not wanting to see what other inators are programmed into the phone, he looks for something to use. He then spots a book and picks it up, before heading it over to Doofenshmirtz.)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, what is it? (sees the book) Oh, you-you want me to read to you or something?

(Perry nods.)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, okay. (sets the phone down and opens the book to where a bookmark has been placed) "The father stood alongside his daughter, neither of them realizing the ruse that had befallen them."

(As he reads, Perry slowly goes for the phone.)

Doofenshmirtz: "The trickster had made his move, his ploy being carried out unnoticed."

(Perry gets hold of the phone.)

Doofenshmirtz: "As the father's attention was diverted, the trickster thought he had succeeded, when all of a sudden, the daughter shouted… "

Vanessa: Dad!

Doofenshmirtz: Actually, she says "papa", but…

Vanessa: No, dad, Perry's got my phone!

(Doofenshmirtz looks and sees Perry hurrying for the kitchen. He and his daughter give chase.)

(Perry leaps to a counter, looking for any means of destroying the phone. He then spots a microwave and gets an idea. Perry opens the door and flings the phone in and starts the microwave. Sparks shoot out and horrible popping and crackling sounds pierce the air as the phone is obliterated.)

Vanessa: No, my phone!

(Perry leaps away and rushes for the exit.)

(Vanessa opens the microwave's door and after fanning away gray fumes, pulls out the burnt and ruined phone. She glares angrily at Perry.)

Vanessa: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

(Perry suddenly feels a pang of guilt. He then jumps out and deploys his glider, soaring away.)

(Perry's wristwatch blips as Major Monogram makes contact.)

Monogram: Excellent work, Agent P. While your initial assignment was a bust, you ended up derailing several potential future threats. If there's anything we can do to repay such outstanding work, just let us know.

(Perry then gets another idea.)

(_The Backyard_-Candace and Stacy are still focused on their swapped appearances, when Candace's eyes glimpse off to the side and her attention to drawn to something else.)

Candace: Hey, where'd the robot go?

Phineas: Right here. (holds up the replica, which has been become action figure sized.)

Jenny: How'd that happen?

Phineas: (looks up to Jenny) I don't know, it just went to this size.

Candace: Whatever, let's get changed before our moms…

Linda: Candace? Stacy?

Candace:...get here.

(The girls turn to see the gawking faces of their mothers.)

Dr. Hirano: Okay, unusual calls and usually lack of calls, and now you two are wearing each others' clothes. I mean, I know it's normal for teen girls borrow each others clothes, but this…

Linda: What is going on here? We want an explanation now.

Stacy: Well, it's like this… (stammers) Candace, why don't you explain it?

Candace: Why, I'd love to, but you can put it in better details than I can.

Dr. Hirano: Girls…

(Candace and Stacy nervously fidget, unsure of what to say. Ferb clears his throat; everyone turns their attention to him.)

Ferb: They decided to try out the "walk a mile in my shoes" saying in order to gain a better understanding of each other's personal daily lives.

Linda & Dr. Hirano: Ah.

(Everyone remains silent and motionless. Perry then enters the yard.)

Jenny: Oh, there you are, Perry.

(_Evening at Charlene's House_-Vanessa sits on the couch, brooding over the demise of her phone. Her mom comes over.)

Charlene: I'm sorry about your phone, but it's not like the end of the world.

Vanessa: I know, it's just that I got it with my own money. That gave me a sense of, I don't know, I guess accomplishment and extra appreciation.

Charlene: Well, I do have some errands to take of tomorrow, so what do you say we go and get you a new one?

Vanessa: Yeah, I guess so. (sigh) I knew I should've gotten the warranty…

(There the doorbell rings and Charlene goes to answer the door. Opening the door, she sees a deliveryman.)

Deliveryman: I have a package for a Vanessa Doofenshmirtz.

(Vanessa, obviously surprised, gets up and takes the package, setting it on the table. She opens it and inside finds a new phone identical to her former one.)

Vanessa: A new phone. (feels something else)

(She pulls out a card. The message reads simply: "Sorry. -From Perry.")

Charlene: Your father actually got you a phone?

Vanessa: Well, Mom… (slips the card in her pocket) Yeah, yeah he did. (she smiles)

THE END


End file.
